Two nice men

The first one is called Devi, and he works for technical support. Somewhere; he wasn't specific about it; what he was specific about was that Support had detected a malicious virus on my computer and he was ringing me to talk me through evacuating it.
Since my jaw had dropped I was unable to reply, so he clarified by adding, "Your Microsoft Office computer. We are monitoring it and detected this virus."
"Which one?" I asked.
"The Mi-cro-soft-Off-ice one." He had obviously concluded he was talking to an idiot.
"I see, " I said, "but which Mi-cro-soft-Off-ice one?"
"Do you have more than one? How many are there?"
"Tell you what, you tell me the IP address of the Mi-cro-soft-Off-ice com-pu-ter that has the virus and we'll work from there."
"We don't have that information."
"Then how the hell are you monitoring it?"
Click.
And then this morning there was an email from Eric - I used to go to school with Eric and he and I are Facebook friends - asking me to join Netlog because it would make picture-sharing easier, so I did. And not long after there was an email from Netlog with a message from the second nice man - one Denzel, who is clearly so head over heels in love with me that he has totally lost his grip on grammar.

The angel on my eyes is clearly wearing jackboots, since it has given me a headache. What I do find funny though is the fact that the profile he mentions - my Facebook one - has this photo:

Kiwi biltong

No, seriously. NO, SERIOUSLY!!!!

Now, where I come from (South Africa, for anyone confused about that), when you call it beef biltong, it comes from a cow, and when you call it ostrich biltong - you have a fit and possibly demented butcher. (Ostriches can run 62 mph and disembowel humans with their claws; this may be one of the reasons ostrich biltong is so highly prized).
So I have to say the product pictured above seems illegal, immoral or just plain unfair, given the kiwi is a small, flightless, protected bird.
Also, they are going to run out of supplies fast.

Sir! Drop the offensive weapons and put your hands on your head NOW!

Neil Gaiman is a genius

Okay, I'm sure everyone already knows that; but I am here to tell you Neil Gaiman's take on Dr Who and the Tardis really, really, takes him into another dimension of genius.
Spoiler alert.
Humans. So much bigger on the inside than the outside.
And that's ALL I'm saying. Watch it, folks. Your brains may hurt, but in a pleasurable way.

Plank-tonne

Rapture Zombies!

Report follows in the wake of the postponement of the end of the world to October 21st.

Upcoming rapture to include zombies! the Christian Post reports: "Doomsday preacher Harold Camping predicted Monday that corpses of the 'unsaved', which includes those in the US armed services, will be flung out of their graves and on the ground like 'manure' on October 21 ...
But then again, he also thinks sheep are the way forward: "Our job right now is to feed the sheep," Camping said on his radio show. "Millions have become saved and many of them ... know very little about the word of God. And now we have a tremendous task to nurture them."
And now we know where Harold the Flying Sheep got his ideas….

June 1st; and that's all Im saying about that.

Pippa Middleton and the photo epidemic

Oh SNAP, TWO Middleton girls were pictured looking rather lovely last weekend, and out came the vultures.

LET US IMMEDIATELY HAVE A WITCH-HUNT!

Yes, I know a wedding was involved; this is probably a legitimate excuse for at least one of them. I am not good at blogging that stuff; I'll leave it to those who are, and stick to the bits that annoy me.

"At least seven U.S. websites are running the photos showing Miss Middleton stripped to a purple push up bra and flimsy white slip with an half-naked unknown companion doing a 'bump and grind' dance behind her. " We're talking the Not-Duchess-of-Cambridge here.
Wow, a whole seven? Can we do an Osama comparison now, or would that just be too disheartening?
Now, let's just examine the newsworthy items enumerated in that sentence.
A purple push up bra. That wicked girl, why did she not do the respectable thing and purchase immediately upon puberty a drag-down bra? Possibly not in purple? Total proof of degeneracy, if you ask me. Frankly, the damn bra looks much like every one I wore up till pregnancy; except not purple. Also, I think the fashion industry might have something to say about PURPLE. Amethyst, Antique Fuschia, Bright Lavender, Bright Ube, Byzantine, Ceil, Dark Orchid, Dark Pastel Purple...we could be here all night.
Flimsy white slip. Well, there you go! Why not an unflimsyone? News for you, people - they only come in flimsy; that's the point of the damn things. They are meant to shield modesty invisibly, as opposed to being stronger and thicker than the garments they are assisting, thus rendering them superfluous. The garments, I mean.
Half-naked unknown companion - hmm, there are two ways to read this and the photo seems to indicate that the half that was naked was the legal half, so to speak. The fact that he is unknown to the DM is probably a blessing for the poor bugger. Seems he was not unknown to his dance companion, nor was he forcing himself upon her, nor was she actually forcing him to be half-naked at the time, so I can't see any real cause for anyone beside the two clearly responsible (well, OK LEGALLY responsible adults) to get upset, but - ah, now we come to it, the BUMP and GRIND dance behind her.
Now, all I've seen (and I can't claim I've done an exhaustive search, because I have a life) is a PHOTO. Repeat after me, PHOTO.  Essentially this involves NO MOVEMENT. The author of the article infers a bump-and-grind dance; and I am happy for that author that they had a youth adventurous enough to imagine such a scenario, but mmmmmmm, projection?
But I guess "Holiday photograph of Miss Middleton relaxing in beach wear dance contest" is hardly likely to sell many papers.
I feel a Bah Humbug coming on.