Note that the only disrespect intended in this article is to those who do not proofread their headlines for common sense rather than spelling.
"Roman Catholic devotees in northern Philippines nailed themselves to crosses today as hundreds gathered to watch the annual Good Friday crucifixion re-enactment."
This, I want to see. How does it work?
"Okay, pass the hammer. Damn, I have trouble keeping my feet on top of each other...wait, one good swing....there, we go, there we go. Ah, shit, I'm too far from the platform, wait, I'll just use the claw...yeah, there we go. Okay, let's position it a bit better...try again - ok, that's better. Hey, Fred!"
"What?"
"Make sure you position your feet on the platform before you nail them down."
"Ah, ok. Thanks."
"OK, all good. Now then, one good stretch...Good thing I do all those sit-ups. Hey Fred!"
"What?"
"What did we agree, palm or wrist?"
"Centre palm. But use that rope to tie your arms to the cross-bar."
"Oh, GOOD thinking! Thanks, Fred!"
"Sure. Oh, hey, start with a square knot."
"Gotcha. OK, let's position this sucker right in the middle. Couple good hard smacks should do it...there we go. All good. Where's the other rope - oh, I see it. I'll just....oh, wait..."
(Silence falls as Stupid and Fred contemplate the diminished list of appendages with which the remaining hand can be nailed and roped.)
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