False Alarm

                                                                Worried Citizen
        Panic Station
        At My Wits End
        1 July 2011

Miller PR
(Publicist for Paris Hilton)
8322 Beverly Blvd.
Suite 201
Los Angeles, CA 90048
USA

Dear Miller PR

I have just been reading the UK Daily Mail and was devastated when I saw the following statement by Miss Hilton:

"She added: 'All girls worry about their weight and I’m no different, except for the fact that when I gain a pound the whole world thinks I’m fat.'"

I immediately let the paper fly  into the morning breeze, ran to the nearest Internet café and flung the incumbent teenager off his chair so that I could locate your address and urge you to communicate to Miss Hilton that she is mistaken.

I personally never think of Miss Hilton, except when such attention-grabbing nuggets of her wisdom quoted by the press impel me to open the associated article in the full expectation that she had suddenly discovered the link between proper nutrition and the ability to make two brain cells communicate with each other :

Disappointed as I was to conclude that this was not in fact the case, I nonetheless urge you to reassure Miss Hilton that when she gains a pound it is in fact the whole world – 1 that thinks she is fat.

Yours sincerely

Gobsmacked.