Boys who play with dolls

Lizardmen.

If you're still reading, you probably already know where this is going.

My son plays with dolls. Not just any old dolls; the variety that have to be assembled SLOWLY AND CAREFULLY, and whose body parts' refusal to adhere correctly at the psychological moment will bring forth language that I may later have to ask my daughter to translate. After this they have to be painted, in paints whose shades go by names like Skull White, Vomit Brown (not to be confused with Bubonic Brown) , Rotting Flesh, Tentacle Pink and Graveyard Earth.

Hand to God.

In case Hand isn't enough

They play at tournaments, involving dices that have too many sides for Cluedo, templates that look considerably more complicated than the little perspex triangles and semicircles that are vital to their education, codexes that contain more clauses than some treaties I have studied, and rules that would cause the Inland Revenue to cry for death or mercy. There is an entire mythology behind this; I dimly remember him saying that the High Elves were the second eldest race (I think I fastened on them because they didn't do things like spawning - did I mention that reproduction for most species in this game is something you don't want to dwell on over coughing up phlegm?) and then he described the Lizardmen (his favourites) as being "rather literal".

"As in, they like to read?" I said, hopefully.

"Ah, no. It's just, they can be literal, but different, in how they interpret orders.".

He thought for a while.

"Like, see, a Skink priest (I'm too afraid to ask) might ask for water.  And one troop of Lizardmen might think he means he'd like a glass of water, so they'll bowl off and attack a palace and bring him back a goblet of water from the palace spring.."

"Along with the heads of the inhabitants?"

He's too busy explaining.

"...whereas another troop might think he means he needs the borders of the ocean to be where he is, so they'll reshape the landscape so he's got a beach in front of him."

I so love the understatedness of 'reshape the landscape".

This is a photo of a Stegodon, with a Skink priest wielding a spear under the arch on his back. Some of the model is not yet painted; we'll get back to you just as soon as we can get enough Rotting  Flesh to do the job properly.

Why Lizardmen?

"Dinosaurs are awesome. Dinosaurs with spears and shields are uber-awesome. Dinosaurs riding dinosaurs with spears and shields AND capable of inflicting skull-splitting madness are ..beyond awesome. "

I cannot actually top that.